Almost as soon as you find out you are pregnant you are brought directly to a minefield full of information and advice. Some of it is brilliant, some is obvious and some is absolutely terrifying.

The day I learned I was pregnant, I did what any normal 35-year-old would do and downloaded pretty much every pregnancy app available. I eventually settled on two go-to apps. The What to Expect app (I call this the scary one) and the Pregnancy++ app (a little less scary). I happily let the apps estimate my due date and registered all relevant (and a lot of irrelevant) information I knew. (I’m still not sure of my exact height).

I was, and still am, a bit wary of Googling anything to do with my pregnancy as I know that Google can take me down some very scary detours and I have avoided all parenting forums so I have really relied heavily on my two apps for all the info I need. Most of it is great, some of it is a bit gross and then there’s just random stuff that I’m not sure is meant for me, or any pregnant woman for that matter.

Here are three things that have taken me by surprise:

Listeria is everywhere.

Even though I have never met anyone who was laid low by Listeria it seems to be an epidemic and it seems to enjoy hiding in everything I like. Unpasteurised cheeses are out. Hollandaise sauce is out. Sushi is out. Soft egg yolks are out. I sort of knew this stuff but didn’t know Listeria was to blame! I was horrified when I learned that smoked salmon was on the bad list too. Surely smoking it means that it’s safe, right? Wrong… it’s on the don’t eat list. I’ve never had listeriosis (phew!) from eating salmon, or brie or feta but even so, I don’t plan on getting it soon so I have been ruthless in cutting all the things I love out.

My baby was a poppyseed!

This stumped me. In my forth week my baby was the size of a poppy seed. I still can’t comprehend that the cluster of cells that have had such a massive impact on my body, was only the size of a poppy seed. By week five a sesame seed seemed huge and by the time baby was a grain of rice in week six, well I was beside myself! As each Monday came around, our baby has grown to the size of another random fruit or vegetable. It’s fascinating and really confusing! In the last few weeks, our baby has gone from a turnip (week 17) to a sweet potato (week 18) to a… wait for it… a tomato. Yes, a tomato in week 19. I’m not sure about you but I have never seen a six-inch tomato. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love that but I just don’t know how you can go from a turnip to a sweet potato to a tomato? Go figure. Roll on Monday and week 20.

Water Parks are the enemy.

This seems like a fairly obvious one to most people but my GP actually laughed at me when I asked if I could go on some of the gentler rides with the kids while we were on our big family holiday in Spain. I reasoned that I would be 13 weeks then, possibly 14 weeks if we waited until the second week but alas no. Water Parks are on the bad list. Even the Lazy River!

Why you might ask? Well it’s down to the potential impact of the water or other people in the water, so even going down a slow slide was a complete no no! Granted, it was a relief not to be able to go on the terrifying Boomerang slide again (shudder) but I was suddenly relegated to the same category as OAPs and people with chronic heart conditions. I’m thinking of starting a club. We can be the cool kids, well not quite kids but the cool ahem coolies. At least I could still swim and could watch while my family slipped and slide and ‘screamed like Sonia’.

I’m basically learning something knew on a weekly basis, which is exciting and not all of it is bad. Most of it is great and even if the odd bit of feta probably won’t do me any harm, I’m not willing to take any chances. Right, I’m off to find a six-inch tomato.